I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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