Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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