Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
