MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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