And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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