she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
