even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
