Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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