and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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