Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.