...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.