Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck