I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.