how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
