Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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