There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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