I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
