I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
