I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
