Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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