There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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