Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
