A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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