Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
