I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
