They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
