If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
