Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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