She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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