dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
