Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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