Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
