What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
