I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
