who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
