it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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