Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
