the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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