I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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