Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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