that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
