Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
