naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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