I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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