It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
