How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dicks are not precious.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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