his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
