the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
