hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
