Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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