i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?