Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.