the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies