omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.