i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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