dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the day after is always just damage control
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
