An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
