Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
