then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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