i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
