my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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