Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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