why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
