I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
