Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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