It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
