It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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