I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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