were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
